So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
