I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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