I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
