that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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