haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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