just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
