So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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