Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
