i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
