Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
