Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Randomize
