My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
