Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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