the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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