This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
