Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
