that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
