is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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