I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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