I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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