i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
