I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
