Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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