new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
