dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
