You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
