The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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