we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
