I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
