Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
