I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Randomize
