Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
