The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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