Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
