Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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