Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
