he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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