There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
