It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
