You just made me feel so damn special
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
