I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
