I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
