Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
