Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
