the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
