Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
