You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
