even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
