its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
