Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
